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Support GayOKC.com! Donate here!		Personal reports on the second Soulforce vigil at Village Baptist Church

The following are emails from Paul Barby and Karen Weldin
(Posted 2-5-02)

PREFACE: I have debated sharing this with many of you, including those of
you on the DemoList and some receiving by blind copy. I am convinced that
similar to the civil rights actions for minorities in the 1960's, there
remains a pressing need for political intervention on behalf of those still
persecuted in our society. This is long and rather personal but must be
voiced. As you will learn below, this has been a life and death concern for
me, literally.

Paul Barby
Woodward, OK

As background for what is related following, a group of concerned GLBT
persons and straight friends have come together to vigil outside the Village
Baptist Church in Oklahoma City. This group, Soulforce in Oklahoma, began
its vigil on the first Sunday in January and will continue on the first
Sunday of each month through June or until dialogue addressing spiritual
violence begins. Our banner that we hold in our vigil at Village Baptist
Church reads, "Stop spiritual violence. Southern Baptist teachings are
killing God's gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered children." Attached
below is a summary of last Sunday's vigil reported by Karen Weldin. But
first my personal account of the importance regarding our vigils and the
need for dialogue with those who are unaware that they promote spiritual
violence.

Some of you will consider this an intrusion of a personal agenda into your
"normal" life -- "why do these people need to keep pushing for special
rights," you may ask. As you read this, know that there is no "gay agenda"
as some preach; our agenda is to be accepted as "normal" people entitled to
the same treatment as others convinced they are the only "normal" ones. I
have achieved a level of acceptance of myself and from others in my life's
experiences that is quite comfortable BUT that took 40-50 years to achieve.
No person should go through what I and others like me continue to experience
because of the spiritual violence that pervades our culture politically as
well as in religious venues. These stories recounted below were not made
up; they are very real and from the first person involved -- not what
happened to someone else.

My world collapsed around me at 19 when I, full of terror and great
self-doubts, faced the realization that I am gay, not because of anything I
was doing but my feelings about whom I was attracted to as a partner in life
and the many other factors that define our very being. There were no
"normal" boy feelings for me. Never. I was deeply embarrassed about who I
am. Very scary and lonely. I had no one to help me with that -- no
teacher, no deviant who seduced me as the lady I spoke to this last Sunday
suggested (see below). I saw and heard only the agenda coming from the
church I belonged to, Southern Baptist -- note there are some accepting
congregations in that denomination as well as congregations who are tyrants
in other denominations -- that who I am was a sin in God's sight and I was
not acceptable. Just being gay without doing anything was a sin, not
necessary to "do" anything. Many of you reading this think that the sexual
activity engaged in determines whether one is gay or straight -- not so.
But that is for another discussion. Just ask yourself if your sexual
activity defines whether you are straight or gay. Who we are is much larger
than what we do or the sexual activity we engage in or "celibate" ourselves
from. There is much at the core of our very being that defines each one of
us.

I could not handle what I was learning about myself and the spiritual
teachings I was hearing. I tried to hide my feelings that tormented me with
no success. I made several serious attempts in my teens and early 20's at
suicide -- okay, now that is public. I worried that fact would come out
when I ran for office a few years ago but here it is now, you are hearing it
from me, not from some political enemy. Thankfully, I received counseling,
not about being gay, but about my serious depression and self-hate. Yes, my
professional counselor was a good Southern Baptist and, no, he did not
preach at me nor did he help me come to terms with who I am. It took a long
journey of many years to reconcile with who I am. But he did help me to
survive. It was a long journey of 20-25 years to reconcile with who I am
with the spiritual violence so prevalent still today in our culture that
carries over from religious sources into every part of our lives -- civil
rights, political agendas to deny GLBT's equal rights, job and housing
discrimination, denial of parental rights even to the point of separating
GLBT parents from their natural children, religious agendas, TV ministries
who demonize us to fund their budgets -- there is very little today in my
life that is totally free from the effects of spiritual violence constantly
aimed at GLBT persons. Are you aware of that? Try facing that as a young
teen. Tragedies abound. We have a political responsibility. A vigil is a
political statement. Politics is not limited to laws and rules -- it is
about beliefs, convictions, persuasion, education, shared and opposing
ideals, visions and, ultimately, the controls that influence outcomes for
the citizens of a society, democratic or otherwise.

Hopefully you will begin to understand why this vigil to expose the wrongful
and destructive spiritual violence that daily persecutes GLBT persons is so
important today. There are many painful personal stories exposing this
religious tragedy caused by spiritual violence being perpetuated by
well-meaning but poorly informed religionists and their politics, some
recounted below. It is a political issue when religionists remove the
natural children of a mother solely because she is a lesbian. That has
happened at Village Baptist Church and has and continues to be repeated
elsewhere. It is political when religionists use their beliefs to block
benefits to surviving partners of the 911 tragedy. It is political when a
person, a human being, is denied the opportunity to vigil at the bedside of
a dying lifetime partner because there are no family rights for that
partnership between two gay persons that has been too painfully common
during the AIDS crisis.

The bottom line in all of this is not that we want to be recognized as gay
persons. The bottom line is that we do not want to be persecuted because we
are recognized as gay persons and somehow less than "fit" as normal persons
who must be rescued from our sins. The only gay agenda I am aware of is
asking for an equal place at society's table without religious persecution
or discrimination.

Once upon a time a child who was left-handed was hounded based on religious
convictions, even had the left hand tied behind the back to "convert" that
child from the "devil's child" to a "normal" right-handed child of God. Now
we no longer concern ourselves with left-handedness. That is what we as gay
persons ask for -- that society no longer concern itself with our gayness.
(There are elements at tailgate parties, in sports bars and strip joints
that many straight people find unacceptable -- but that is not because those
individuals are straight nor representative of who straight people are but
what they do that offends us. The same is true in our gay population with
no condemnation towards any individual for who they are. I am certainly not
asking anyone to blindly condone any behavior, straight or gay, that offends
us. Remember there are more straights out there engaging in shocking
behaviors than gay because the majority in numbers are straight. The
proportional representatives of responsible and irresponsible individuals
are equal in both subsets of our society. Same with sexual abuse of
children -- no more prevalent in gay culture than straight. There are
dysfunctional individuals in both groups but unfortunately spiritual
violence focuses more on one group than the other, failing to expose the
many more number wise of heterosexual activities abusing children.

I have gone on with a longer message than I intended this morning. But I
want you to know how important exposing this "left-handed" treatment of GLBT
persons is for those of us who are gay. Spiritual violence is killing us.
We know that our GLBT children kill themselves 3 to 4 times more frequently
than straight children. Statistically, a gay child dies in this country
every six hours of every day. This must be reversed. My left-handed
friends are just as useful in our society as the rest of us are. Same is
true of GLBT persons.

Prayer being an expression of deep conviction, I pray you are not offended
by this discussion but can see how and why we need support in our peaceful
efforts to expose the spiritual violence and educate those who do not know
us. Read about our vigil below. Then consider joining us as we stand in
peaceful vigil to expose spiritual violence. For the record Village Baptist
Church expounds especially aggressive rhetoric towards GLBT persons but it
is not unique as there are many other congregations equally violent in their
religious exhortations -- Village Baptist Church is a starting point not
unlike the historic sit-ins in the 1960's for civil rights that were
selective of locations -- there has to be a place to begin somewhere.

Please join us the morning of March 3 in our continuing vigil at Village
Baptist Church on N. May in Oklahoma City. There is an orientation session
the day before that we prefer you attend so that we all understand the
principles of Gandhi and Martin Luther King in their successful peaceful
efforts that changed the society around them.

Paul Barby
Woodward, OK

NOW HERE'S THE REPORT OF LAST SUNDAY'S VIGIL:

Dear Friends,

It has been 24 hours since we were vigiling outside Village Baptist Church
in Oklahoma City. I am still filled with many thoughts and feelings as I
reflect on our second vigil. I keep seeing your faces and hearing your
voices as we stood reverently singing songs of the heart. I am so awe
stricken at your commitment and dedication to do what we can do to stop the
violence against our gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender sisters and
brothers. You stood so willingly, so compliantly, so earnestly in the
cold. It was obvious to me that you stood with a message in your heart
that you were trying to communicate to all of those who walked passed us
and who drove by that we are God's children too. We are worthy of
acceptance, love and inclusion.   You all are so beautiful to me. I am so
grateful to each and everyone of you - your stand for justice does not go
unnoticed.

The press conference was so moving. We focused this month on sharing
stories.   Mike, I am so sorry for your pain of having lost a sister to
suicide because she could not reconcile her sexuality with her spirituality
and could not stand the pressure of the condemnation and rejection of her
Southern Baptist childhood religion. Nancy, your tears streaming down your
face were almost too much for me to handle as you shared in public the pain
of losing custody of your three children because you chose to be honest
about your sexuality. Moira, I listened to you talk about living with fear
about your son being gay. You worried about his safety. I was saddened at
this reality for all parents of GLBT. Eric, you shared about your friend
who is gay that was determined to stand outside his church relentlessly if
they would not allow him in. I ache for all people who are shunned by
their churches for who they are. At the same time, I am so proud of allies
like you who are willing to stand with us simply because it is the right
thing to do. Suzy and Mary, I share your pain as we all cry each time I
read the letter that my niece wrote to President Bush about what it was
like to be taken away from her Mother because her Mother is gay. Debbie,
my heart aches for what you have had to go through.   It still hurts to
remember the pain and suffering caused by fear and ignorance. I am sad for
the Mother who came up to Mary who was standing with us holding a sign that
said, "I love my gay daughter," and said, "I have a gay son. I pray for
him daily." She was obviously hurting and angry. She came out of VBC.
She is taught that her son is an abomination. I ache for this Mother and
all parents who are taught to reject their children. I am sad for the VBC
member who dialogued with Paul who kept insisting we are wrong and that we
have a gay agenda. I hope and pray that she could hear some of what Paul
was trying to share with her. Most of all, I am sad for the
seventeen-year-old teenager who was with us Sunday whose Mother, while a
member of Village Baptist Church, kicked him out of his home because he
came out to her. All of these are true stories that we experienced during
our vigil this past Sunday. All of these stories and experiences are
reasons we do what we do to confront this kind of violence.

While we were on break a van circled the church several times. It finally
stopped and a man got out and handed Paul, and the VBC member he was
talking to at the time, a piece of literature. It was a very derogatory
piece of literature against GLBT. It saddens me that people continually
use God and scripture to condemn and reject us. I learned this morning
that the Church of the American Knights had called Rev. Kersh last month
and offered their assistance. I am grateful Rev. Kersh asked them not to
come. Some day, some day as Kathy said to us in our spiritual preparation
Sunday morning, we are going to look back and be amazed that sexual
minorities were treated differently than other people. Someday people will
be amazed that we were oppressed and treated violently because of who we
love. We must persevere in order for someday to become a reality.

There were thirty-eight of us who stood in the cold outside Village Baptist
Church Sunday morning. To each of you, I say again, thank you for your
dedication and commitment, thank you for your willingness to experience
some voluntary redemptive suffering for justice. For those of you who were
not able to be with us, thank you for your thoughts and your prayers.
Being an activist, confronting the bigotry of the church, is not popular or
glamorous. It is hard work and only for the courageous. I keep hoping
that more of you will join us. To my friends who are reading this, please
search your heart and consider standing with us March 3rd. We need you.
If we could all move past our fear and stand for justice we could end this
oppression so much quicker.

It's tiring to do what we do. All thirty-eight of us went home tired,
exhausted and hungry. But, we also went home with our hearts a little
fuller, our minds a little more determined to continue our own soul force
journey. We can't adequately describe or explain our experience. It is
something each person must experience for themselves. It is also a
different experience for each person. I know for me, each time I
participate in a soul force event, I understand my purpose a little more
clearly.

May the Spirit of Truth and Justice reign in all of our hearts, direct all
of our thoughts and actions, and lead us on our journey.

In love and peace,

Karen

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